This sawed-off sportsman never played
baseball; afraid of the ball.
This sawed-off sportsman
is opposed, on principle, to having equipment that’s better than he is or coaching things about which he knows
nothing.
So when Shavings 2, 3 and 4 took to
the diamond I was perfectly happy to watch, get the drinks & snacks when
the family’s time in the rotation came up and occasionally yell “keep your eye
on the ball” or “stop picking dandelions”.
As time passed and Shaving
3 and 4 were slated to move up to machine-pitch, and a real baseball, I
naturally and vehemently demurred on any coaching opportunities. Then there
came a phone call from a prominent community leader and neighborhood parent
with a son in the same league who says to me “If you don’t coach the team your
two sons are on there
won’t be any team for them to be on.”
In the arena of
neighborly coercion this constituted the proverbial offer that could not be
refused. And it could not be refused precisely because there was an iron clad
defense when events unfolded disastrously, as I was sure they would. All I had
to do was repeat the threat and say “I never said I knew what I was doing.”
However, to my coaching recruitment was added…”And there’ll be two 90 minute
coaching clinics Tuesday and Wednesday evenings”. While two coaching clinics
were unlikely to offset my baseball disadvantaged youth (spent chasing snakes)
I had to at least show up. I was mistaken about the effectiveness of two baseball
coaching clinics delivered by The Great Osinski.
The best indicator of the
effectiveness of The Great Osinski (TGO) is how I felt before and after those
two 90 minute sessions. Before, I was filled with great fear as the schedule
called for one game and two coaching sessions (by me) per week for about twelve
weeks. The games didn’t worry me too much as I could just yell “keep your eye
on the ball” and “stop picking dandelions.” I hoped the kids would know where
to stand on defense and I’d just line them up in the dugout on offense. It was
the coaching sessions that worried me as manically repeating “keep your eye on
the ball” for 90 minutes twice a week for twelve weeks was likely to lose their
attention. However, after two coach training sessions with TGO I was filled
with the joyous feeling of now knowing more about how to play baseball than I
could possible impart to my team in the season’s allotted time. I’ve listened
to a lot of lectures, on a lot of topics; TGO is the greatest.
It turned out, much to my
surprise, that there are known (= tried & true) ways to catch a ball, throw a ball and hit a ball (running is
pretty much self-evident but there are issues about when).
For example, hitting the
ball involves cock (a subtle up & back bat movement), step, and…..”throw
the head of the bat through the ball”. TGO never said “keep your eye on
the ball”
(given the flash lag effect the
proper prompt is more likely “keep your mind on the ball” but I digress).
Catching involved using bear hands to catch a soft toss; turns out everybody
puts their thumbs together. Do it that way with the glove on! Throwing was the
best instruction. First, the mostly incompetent adults lined up and, with arm
level threw the ball by rotating forearm only from the elbow. This seemed an
odd movement but explained why all pictures of real pitchers had them doing the
same movement. Who knew? Next, and preceding the odd elbow rotation, was
“elephant trunk” which amounted to starting with the ball sort of up &
behind your head. Combining elephant trunk & elbow rotation produced
immediate success of a) the ball sailed forward and b) my shoulder quite hurting.
Shaving #2 was having trouble throwing. I show her elephant trunk; “problem
solveeed”
Aside from the baseball skills TGO instruction turned out to
afford a potent rhetorical comeback. As I recall the timing (the question &
answer will live forever) we’re in the dugout before the first game and Truman
Fitzgerald (classically) says; “you ever play baseball?” I paused, thought, and
replied; “No, but I studied under The Great Osinski that should serve us
well.”
There’s more “inside
baseball” (ha, ha) but I know the final question to which the answer is….7 and
5, Southside Indians, spring of 1997.
ML
3/18/14
