31. The Questions of Togo

As noted earlier, Shaving 4 joined the Peace Corps and went to Togo, the village of Bitchabe.

From time to time he travels to the nearest big city, Bassara, to conduct his affairs.

The Bitchabeians are by nature inquisitive and routinely converse when passing. The abstract of these exchanges could be ~ “How’s it going?” but in the event it’s apparently a long list of rapid fire questions…”how’s your wife, how’s your crops, how’s the kids, what’d you eat last night” (I made that last one up but you get the picture).

Preparing for a motor cycle/taxi trip to Bassara inquiries were made as to (abstract) “why?” Shaving 4 tells them he has to go to the post office, bank, and use the internet. Apparently they got to “what’s the internet?” quickly.

Think about it. Subsistence farmers (turns out they do ok) in sub-Saharan West Africa ask YOU…”What’s the internet?” Ol’ Shaving 4 had a good reply; “It’s something you look up the answers to questions with”. [DRUM ROLL] The citizens of Bitchabe quickly upped their game, cross examination wise.

 

1. Why do people suffer?
2. Why are some people more intelligent than others?
3.  Why can’t some people have babies?
4.  Why are some people albinos?

 

These questions were discussed in a phone call soon thereafter. On question #1 I suggested a Genesis answer; Garden of Eden, sin, man expelled (25% Christian, 25% Muslim, 50% animist). Shaving 4 says “No, that’s not what they mean.” Apparently, the Bitchabeians know other people have more stuff than they do:  their neighbors in the country to the west, the citizens of Lome, occasional visitors from elsewhere, etc.

Mrs. Sawed-off and moi are about to go visit. We’re taking gifts for shaving 4’s closest friends. Knives (a real big one for the pig butcher), snake banded hats (the rabbit guy is apparently into hats) and 30 Macanudo cigars (which are very popular) for the men, ear rings for the ladies, hard candy for the kids... and a copy of WEALTH OF NATIONS & a HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY textbook!

 

ML

3/20/14   

30. The Great Osinski

This sawed-off sportsman never played baseball; afraid of the ball.

 

This sawed-off sportsman is opposed, on principle, to having equipment that’s better than he is or coaching things about which he knows nothing.

So when Shavings 2, 3 and 4 took to the diamond I was perfectly happy to watch, get the drinks & snacks when the family’s time in the rotation came up and occasionally yell “keep your eye on the ball” or “stop picking dandelions”.

As time passed and Shaving 3 and 4 were slated to move up to machine-pitch, and a real baseball, I naturally and vehemently demurred on any coaching opportunities. Then there came a phone call from a prominent community leader and neighborhood parent with a son in the same league who says to me “If you don’t coach the team your two sons are on there won’t be any team for them to be on.” 

In the arena of neighborly coercion this constituted the proverbial offer that could not be refused. And it could not be refused precisely because there was an iron clad defense when events unfolded disastrously, as I was sure they would. All I had to do was repeat the threat and say “I never said I knew what I was doing.” However, to my coaching recruitment was added…”And there’ll be two 90 minute coaching clinics Tuesday and Wednesday evenings”. While two coaching clinics were unlikely to offset my baseball disadvantaged youth (spent chasing snakes) I had to at least show up. I was mistaken about the effectiveness of two baseball coaching clinics delivered by The Great Osinski.

The best indicator of the effectiveness of The Great Osinski (TGO) is how I felt before and after those two 90 minute sessions. Before, I was filled with great fear as the schedule called for one game and two coaching sessions (by me) per week for about twelve weeks. The games didn’t worry me too much as I could just yell “keep your eye on the ball” and “stop picking dandelions.” I hoped the kids would know where to stand on defense and I’d just line them up in the dugout on offense. It was the coaching sessions that worried me as manically repeating “keep your eye on the ball” for 90 minutes twice a week for twelve weeks was likely to lose their attention. However, after two coach training sessions with TGO I was filled with the joyous feeling of now knowing more about how to play baseball than I could possible impart to my team in the season’s allotted time. I’ve listened to a lot of lectures, on a lot of topics; TGO is the greatest.

It turned out, much to my surprise, that there are known (= tried & true) ways to catch a ball, throw a ball and hit a ball (running is pretty much self-evident but there are issues about when).

 

For example, hitting the ball involves cock (a subtle up & back bat movement), step, and…..”throw the head of the bat through the ball”. TGO never said “keep your eye on the ball”

(given the flash lag effect the proper prompt is more likely “keep your mind on the ball” but I digress). Catching involved using bear hands to catch a soft toss; turns out everybody puts their thumbs together. Do it that way with the glove on! Throwing was the best instruction. First, the mostly incompetent adults lined up and, with arm level threw the ball by rotating forearm only from the elbow. This seemed an odd movement but explained why all pictures of real pitchers had them doing the same movement. Who knew? Next, and preceding the odd elbow rotation, was “elephant trunk” which amounted to starting with the ball sort of up & behind your head. Combining elephant trunk & elbow rotation produced immediate success of a) the ball sailed forward and b) my shoulder quite hurting. Shaving #2 was having trouble throwing. I show her elephant trunk; “problem solveeed”

Aside from the baseball skills TGO instruction turned out to afford a potent rhetorical comeback. As I recall the timing (the question & answer will live forever) we’re in the dugout before the first game and Truman Fitzgerald (classically) says; “you ever play baseball?” I paused, thought, and replied; “No, but I studied under The Great Osinski that should serve us well.”

 

There’s more “inside baseball” (ha, ha) but I know the final question to which the answer is….7 and 5, Southside Indians, spring of 1997.

 

ML

3/18/14